Posted tagged ‘diets’

Alcohol-based Diet

May 21, 2010

Since Mad Ant is still avidly sticking to his vow-of-silence re the last blog entry: https://chantlikeanenglishfan.wordpress.com/2010/05/13/world-cup-song-writer-takes-vow-of-silence/┬áhe’s going a little stir-crazy, but it’s for a good cause, and he did come up with this incredible weight-loss diet based on drinking alcohol:

Mad Ant’s World Cup Alcohol-based Diet

NOTE: (for the sue-happy American readers) It is advisable NOT TO drive or operate heavy machinery whilst attempting this dietry program. Individual result may vary, always consult your physician before trying any dietry program.

Upon waking pour two double shots of your favourite spirit (liquor) and chase them down with either a large glass of wine or two pints of beer. Increase or decrease dosage as desired.

In the afternoon (preferrably before noon) consume at least two pints of beer, and wash down with two or more chasers of your choice. Beer may be substituted for wine, if preferred, and cocktails may also be utilized heavily.

Mid-afternoon (sometime before 5pm) repeat the earlier afternoon regimen.

Evening (any time after 5pm) rapidly consume at least one pint of beer or glass of wine, followed by any combination of cocktail, chaser, another beer, or favourite drink of the alcoholic nature. Continue drinking in a similar fashion until either:

A) you pass out

B) throw up

C) are kicked out of the drinking establishment for either A) or B) or it closes.

It is advisable, in case of option C) that you have a reserve dietry stock of sufficient dietry alcohol at home, and have a taxi cab number in speed dial.

You won’t necessarily lose any weight whilst attempting this diet, but most early test results showed all participants were too pissed to care!

Additionally, nobody likes to diet alone, so try where possible to encourage your other fat friends to join you in support. Failing that, most local pubs and drinking establishments have an anonymous club of clientelle that are secretly down the boozer ‘dieting’.

If your boss calls you to wonder where you are or why your work output has changed, promptly inform him that you are dieting and he should stop his prejudiced and “fattist” comments immediately, otherwise they shall be hearing from your (American) attorney forthwith.

DOUBLE FOOTNOTE: This blog post is meant for pure ENTERTAINMENT purposes only and should not be attempted, except at your own risk, or for entertainment purposes only!

Remember to continue supporting our song “Chant Like an English Fan” available May 31st www.theladdz.com